Would you like to look into your loved one’s thoughts? We offer you such an opportunity! A man will reveal all the secrets of the stronger sex!

1. We are afraid of having sex with a new woman

Yes, it’s true: we men really do think about sex all the time, and if we came across a lush cleavage with a lady with three eyes and a Chihuahua on her head, we wouldn’t notice it. But when it comes to our first intimate contact with a new lady…

Our pulse dances a polka, and we do very strange things. We strain our pelvic floor muscles as hard as we can, drink liters of pineapple juice (which is supposed to improve the taste of sperm) and google cunnilingus techniques. But when a woman lies completely naked in front of us, we are just as timid as the first time.

2. Men don’t find women funny.

What is the most important thing for a woman in a partner? Humor, says statistics. Men, on the other hand, value intelligence and looks more, consistency in any way. Then humor appears on the list. Otherwise we would never find the woman of our dreams. Because women aren’t funny. I’m sorry. It’s not their fault. It’s because of testosterone. According to British scientists, humor is the result of aggression–and it has to do with the male hormone, which men have more of. Men’s jokes are rude, politically incorrect, making fun of others. Women make harmless jokes, mostly retelling situations that were funny only to those who were in the situation.

3. During sex we think about the alphabet, to-do lists, or work

The main purpose of sex is to give a woman an orgasm. But before you praise us for our dedication, know this: we do it primarily for ourselves. If a woman doesn’t cum, we’ve lost. After all, sex without an orgasm is like a black-and-white French movie – without a climax.

And I don’t think a woman after coitus tells her friend, “He can’t satisfy me, but God, I love the way he fucks me.” The only thing that could be worse is ejaculating after 2 minutes like a horny teenager. The man doesn’t want to let that happen, so he tries to restrain himself with thoughts of extraneous things.

4. Your orgasm is the ultimate goal

The solution? Distraction! It lowers your blood pressure and delays ejaculation. When I was 18, my father told me that when he had sex, he would mentally recite the alphabet backwards. That doesn’t work for me. I have to concentrate so that I curve the corners of my mouth, but no woman runs away terrified.

My trick: I think about my to-do list or think back to a time when I did community service. For example, yesterday I slept with Dana. She is very attractive – a real fire. During sex, I imagined having to wash 80-year-olds. That always helps.

5. We are addicted to compliments.

It’s not enough for me if a woman tells me she loves me. “I love you” – yes, yes, good and fine. But why? I always want to know the reason. I want to hear that I’m funny, or that women feel safe with me, or… Actually, I don’t care what she says. All that matters is that I get confirmation that I’m a great guy.

And once she complimented me, it worked like a drug. I always want to hear more. Men need that affirmation. They measure the size of their penis to make sure it’s at least average. And they want to know that they don’t work their biceps hard in the gym for nothing.

6. We lie to get you into bed

I’ve never loved a woman unconditionally. But I’ve already said “I love you” to six women. Two of them said it to me first, and I thought “baby, that’s great” was an inappropriate response, so the “I love you too” echoed back from me.

And I said 3 famous words to four women because. How do you think I got one of them into bed? We had a beautiful evening, drank some Sauvignon Blanc, sat on the couch, and I knew that if I said something romantic now, she would be mine. I took her hand and said: “Please don’t laugh, but I think I love you.”

7. We fake orgasms, too.

My buddy Finn is a great guy. Polite, obliging, humorous, only with women he doesn’t always follow etiquette. He once made a girl drive 20 kilometers to see him so she could create his university presentation for him – while we were playing Playstation in the next room. But there’s one thing even Finn doesn’t dare do: tell his girlfriend that she’s not turning him on tonight.

When his then-girlfriend struggled with that for a while. And he did what probably all women have done before: he faked an orgasm. Yes, dear women, we do that too. Statistically, 20 to 25 percent of us have faked a climax at least once.

8. All men are mama’s boys.

It was New Year’s Eve, the snow was blanketing the street, and Jenny snuggled up to me and asked if I could imagine celebrating with her and her young son and not with my mother. Of course I couldn’t. I never saw Jenny again.

My mother gave me her life, kissed my sore spots, and knitted elephants for my toes until late at night so I wouldn’t look like a fool in labor class the next morning. And should I trade my mother for a woman who wouldn’t take my temperature and make soup with the same devotion?

9. Yes, we masturbate!

And I would go even further: we do it regularly, we do it in relationships, too. And in doing so, we don’t think about our girlfriend. Masturbate, squeeze a banana, have a solo party – whatever guys call it. Once you’ve tried it once, you’ll never stop satisfying yourself again.

The reason is simple: whenever we’re horny (and unfortunately, we really are often horny), but also just out of boredom. There’s nothing on TV, friends don’t have time, why not spend a few minutes on yourself?

10. As far as dating and relationships go, you’re in charge!

I can’t explain exactly why. Perhaps because we view women as fragile creatures and can’t deny them anything. Another theory is that a beautiful woman can have dozens of suitors, and we are afraid that we can be replaced at any moment if we do not submit.